we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
