I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
