just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
