Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
