I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
