Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
