So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
