did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
