I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
