Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
