When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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