Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
