she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
