I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I AM VODKA MAN
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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