none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
