I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
