as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
