I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
4 words: hood of his car
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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