i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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