just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
