Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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