you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
