I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I AM VODKA MAN
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
