I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
