This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
