1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dicks are not precious.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
