I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
