Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You made out with two different species that night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How does one acquire holy water?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
