I just pynch a tree in the face
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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