i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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