my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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