I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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