I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you win again, gameday.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
