Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
