I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You are the jesus of drinking
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
