who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
