see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
