I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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