Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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