actually, I'm a sock model
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
