is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
