you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
