I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
pop tarts are not kleenex
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm way too hungover for life right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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