my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You have to summon your inner elephant
You are the jesus of drinking
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
false alarm, still single
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
