my vag is so smooth its legendary
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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