You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
