We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
