they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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