whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
