Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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