I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
