i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
