Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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