Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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