and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
